Me Time

How to suck as a Mommy #375

1. Stay home with very sick toddler who puked all night.
2. Decide that child sufficiently asleep to sneak in a telephonic interview for article am writing.
3. Hear child wake up in middle of interview.
4. Look over as he pukes all over himself and the couch.
5. Mentally weigh up: finish interview now and clean child up, or continue interview and let child wait?
6. Continue interview while child sits in own vomit.

About a Mommy

Exmi tagged me. Here's the low-down on me as a mommy:

1. How long have you been a Mom? I can’t believe how long it’s been: 9 years.

2. How many children call you Mommy? Three!

3. Girl? Boy? or both?: boy, girl, boy

4. Did you know what you were having? As Exmi said, we’ve had this discussion before.  I seem to be the only one among a crowd of women who didn’t want to know. I wanted to open my present on Christmas Day, if you know what I mean.

5. How old were you when you became a Mom? 30, 33 and 36.

6. How long were you in labor? The first time: 12 hours and it ended in a natural birth. The second: a week. Yes, you read right. I went into premature labour with Hannah at 33 weeks after a fall and the drug, Ipradol, kept me from giving birth for a week. Eventually, it refused to work anymore and I had an emergency c-section. The third time: a few hours – maybe 7? But it was very mild and I had a c-section after not much pain.

7. What’s your favorite thing about being a Mom? There are so many things, but my favourite would have to be holding their hands. I love how their hands fit into mine. It reminds me of my responsibility as a mother.

8. What’s your least favorite thing? Again, so many things. Least fave, I suppose, is the screeching tantrums. Jonah seems to be redefining the terrible twos. It’s so not fun.

9. Do you want more kids? Nooooooo. I was just saying to Scott today that I think God planned it that I had Jonah last. He’s so strong-willed and demanding that he’s completely put me off having more children.

Do you plan on having more soon?

11. How many times have you been pee’d on? Only once, amazingly. Jonah was quite the projectile pooper, though. Scott’s been peed and pooped on far more times than I have.

12. Barfed on? A few. My bed has suffered most with this. They always seem to throw up on my sheets.

13. Is your child named after anyone? We liked the idea of family names, so James is named after my dad (his second name) and brother-in-law (his second name). His second name, Alexander, is after Scott’s grandfather. Hannah is named after my granny and her second name, Rose, was after Scott’s mom, Rosemary. Jonah was just a name we liked and it fitted in with James and Hannah. Liam, his second name, is after my cousin.

14. How did you come up with their name? See above.

15. When your child gets in trouble, who is the bad guy? I think I can be pretty strict, but when they want comfort, they come to me. I suppose we can both be the bad guy, depending on who’s more cross at the time.

16. What is the longest you have been away from your children? 2 weeks. I went to America in 2005, when Hannah was 3. I’m about to go away again for 2 weeks and I’m feeling a bit hysterical about it…

17. Bedtime routine? We used to be so good with this when it was just James. We read to him endlessly – sometimes the same story 4 times over. When Hannah came along, we carried on with the reading, but it was a struggle. Now, with Jonah? They’re lucky if they get a story once or twice a week. Terrible. They all love early bed time though. They’re trained to get tired at around 7/7.15.

18. Are your toes painted?

19. Last movie you saw in the theater? Gah: “Open Season 2” for James’s 9^th birthday. I hate animated movies at the best of times, but this one was beyond bad.

20. One thing you will not give up just because you’re a mom? Being my own person. I don’t want to be “only a mom”. I love intellectual stimulation – writing, books, movies, interesting conversations and my job.

21. One thing you did give up now that you’re a mom: Peeing alone.

22. Best Mom perk: Listening in to hilarious kiddie-conversations when they don’t realize I’m there.

23. Snack, you sneak bites from your child? Only when they’re not looking.

24. When the kid is napping, you are: Tidying the house, cleaning the toilet, doing laundry, surfing the net, reading a magazine and drinking rooibos tea. Sometimes all of the above simultaneously.

25. Where is your child(ren) now? In bed, asleep.

26. Favorite place to buy maternity clothes? Never did.>

27. If I could do it over…I’d have had children younger. There are perks to being older – I don’t think I would have been quite as confident as I am now – but it’s exhasuting. I could even feel the difference in those three years between Hannah and Jonah.

28. Did it turn out the way you expected? Not at all. I thought I’d never have children. Three years of infertility and I was reading books about being childfree. Life is weird. I tag anyone who wants to participate. Please link back.

Birthday Blues

I've stated before how fond I am of children's birthday parties. (If you didn't click on the link, I was being sarcastic.) I'm getting better at handling them as I get older, though. Experience has taught me a thing or two:

1. Over-catering is just silly: They're generally happy with lots of chips and a small selection of sweets.
2. Cupcakes won't be eaten: Generally, the kids just lick the icing off the top and leave the rest.
3. "Drop and go" is a key phrase for invitations: Leave it out at your peril. Mothers will stay, sit on your couch, and stare blankly at you throughout the entire proceedings, without so much as a "may I help you mop up the litre of juice that my dear one has just spilled on the floor?"
4. Try to ensure that the party venue isn't your lounge: It won't recover and neither will you.
5. No one replies to invitations: Ever.

Another 2 birthdays in our household are rapidly approaching (James turning 9 and Hannah turning 6) and I can feel that familiar sense of dread creeping in. I think James's party is sorted: he'd like to go and see a movie with a few of his friends. The only glitch would be if there's nothing appropriate on circuit that week....

So to ease my pain just a little bit, how about giving me suggestions for a fun (CHEAP!) birthday party for Hannah, who turns 6 on the 8th of October, and is into fairies, pink, ballet and all things pretty. And remember: I'm hopelessly uncreative, so don't expect me to sew, bake or fashion anything from scratch...

But do I want to be a "happy homemaker"?

I subscribe to a feed for the keywords "working moms" and "working mothers". I recently came across this article, which made my eyeballs itch with irritation. Instead of letting it all fester inside me, I thought I'd respond here:

Dear Angela van Boxtel

Thanks for your article. Charming tone. You really know how to make a working mom's day.

May I make a suggestion? Next time you want to publish something that will appear on the internet and be read by people all over the world, try getting your facts straight first. Better yet, next time, try not publishing at all.

You come across as somewhat aggressive in your article. Did you mean to do that? Not only that, but you also sounded terribly smug. Look at me, you seem to be saying: I love my children more than you do, because I don't work outside the home.

Lovely.

I'll respond, if you don't mind, to a few things you said:

"I'm a mother of four boys aged between one and 12. I do not have a so-called career. My life, including my family, is my career."

That's terribly nice for you, but you know what? I have two 'so-called' careers: my paid job and my family. I can multi-task. What about you?

"I work from home so I can be around my children and have both lives"

Well, bully for you for having two lives, whatever that means. I've been working towards working from home for several years now and I still haven't managed to get it right. Well done for taking the leap.

"I've made choices so my children are my first priority in life and that means being there for them."

This kind of statement is just plain mean. What? You think women who work don't see their children as their priority? Stop congratulating yourself and look around - we all love our children.

"I do not have a mortgage. My husband and I and our four kids (six of us in all) share a three-bed apartment and one of those rooms is our office."

Well done for not having a mortgage. Now try buying a house in South Africa and paying it off in one lifetime. It's impossible, dear.

"We never go on holidays or weekends away."

Um, neither do we, but only because the inflation rate here is so insane that we can't afford anything anymore.

"My children are schooled by public education, not expensive private schools."

Which is so lovely for your children and you, especially since public education in your country is free. Here? We're paying around R2500,00 per month for public education for two children. Who needs to work to pay for that, right?

"The six of us share one computer, not three or four like some households."

May I point something out? The picture you're painting of 'making do with less' is actually one of standard middle-class living and in some countries, like mine, one of extreme wealth. You have a car, a computer, 3 bedrooms, a garden and a television? That's far more than most South Africans will ever dream of having.

"Your children are your gifts and they are here to be enjoyed. Yes mums, you're natural yearnings to be with your child are right."

I won't comment on your vitriol here. I'll just say this: "you're" is supposed to be spelled "your".

Who were you really addressing when you wrote this article? Because if you didn't mean it to be taken to heart by most working moms, then you probably shouldn't have generalised so. It would have been far wiser to have spoken directly to the women who offend you so much by earning enough money to buy big houses and 4 computers.

 

Yours in irritation,
Janine

How to make me feel like a bad mommy

Yesterday, I had to run a workshop from 9.30am. I had forgotten to get the eats for tea, so I had to stop off at the shop before work to get them. In order to save time, I asked Hannah whether she could go into class with James. Usually, I walk all the way into the class with her, and usually, she's very clingy and doesn't want to let me go. Yesterday, though, she was so happy to go on her own: grabbed her bag and a bag of paper for recycling, held James's hand and proudly waved goodbye to me.

I watched them skip into school together, waved once more and then got into the car with Jonah to drop him off at his school. On the way, I was feeling quite smug: my two older children were old and responsible enough to see each other into the school grounds. I even hummed to a song on the radio.

Until my cell phone rang.

"Hello, Mrs Dunlop?"

"Yes?"

"It's XX here from XX Primary."

Oh no, not again.

"Hannah's had a bit of an accident."

Pause while I almost crash the car.

"She said her bag was too heavy and she fell over. She's bruised her forehead and she says her knee is a little bit sore. We're giving her some apple juice and she seems to be calming down."

"Ok, so she's in the office now?"

"Yes, we just thought we'd let you know. Bye now."

And she hung up before I could ask to speak to her.

Sigh. I'm not cut out for this working mom stuff. Poor kid: the first time she goes into school on her own and she gets an egg on the head to celebrate.

**
Woot: I've had an entry for my contest! I'm going to be away from tomorrow until Saturday afternoon, so feel free to enter in my absence. I've also set a post to go up on Thursday. We'll see if it works.

That Mom

I was that mom yesterday.

The one who arrives at the supermarket, places her 2 year old son in the trolley and starts shopping.

The one who sets about choosing a birthday present for the party her 8 year old is attending even as she shops.

The one whose son starts asking for toys because, well, everything looks so cool and shiny, doesn’t it?

The one who can’t satisfy her son with anything and so moves on, hoping to distract him.

The one whose son starts whining, softly, but insistently.

The one whose son’s whines turn to crying, but she can’t do anything to stop it.

The one who is stopped by a sweet old woman, who chats to her son for a few moments and manages to keep him calm.

The one whose son starts to cry the moment they move on.

The one whose son starts screaming a few minutes later.

The one who picks her son up when they are finished shopping and carries him out, screaming and kicking.

The one everyone is watching as she leaves the shop with her son over her shoulder, kicking and screaming.

The one who has to put her son down because he’s kicking her so much, she almost drops him.

The one who walks away from her son, because she thinks that that will finally do the trick to get him to comply.

The one who stares her 2 year old down from across the store – a stand-off – and loses.

The one who places her child in the car seat by holding his legs down with her elbow because he’s screaming and struggling so much.

The one who, as she’s driving away, lets out a scream of frustration.

***

Needless to say, Jonah isn’t adjusting very well to crèche. He had to start this week and hates it. Cries when we get changed in the morning, cries when we get in the car after dropping James and Hannah off at school, and cries when I leave him for work. I know he’ll get used to it, but I’m hating this phase.

***

My dad is progressing so well. He’s been asking for food, snacks and reading material and has his old sense of humour back. According to the doctors, he’ll be home next Friday.

A miracle.

Bad Mommy Moment

I have a new post over at the Bad Mommy Blog. Go look!

I also write here:

I'm a Bad Mommy! Are you?