I find women in general fascinating. I love listening to their stories of who they are, what they're up to and where they're going. Invariably, a woman's story is about hard knocks and inner strength. You don't have to listen hard to find the profundity. But I have to remind myself to listen, because I have to get past my initial, usually completely inaccurate, judgements.
I was out doing grocery shopping on Saturday and met two women who told me their stories.
A car guard* was standing outside the dvd store and her first words to me were: "Let me guess: he's 7 and she's 4", pointing to James and Hannah. I was intrigued: she was almost right, but I was keeping my distance, because she looked and walked funny. I was guessing she was a bit drunk. "Do you have children of your own?" I asked her. Her story goes like this: She had a baby girl six years ago. She had very high blood pressure at the end of the pregnancy and during the birth, she had a stroke. It left her paralysed on one side of her body, the after effect of which is a limp, and her speech has been impaired ever since. Her husband wasn't interested in her after the stroke and she now lives on the street, guarding cars, her entire life in a trolley.
Not drunk. Handicapped. Not a low-life. A woman who didn't get adequate care during her pregnancy.
When I was finished doing the grocery shopping, I struck up a conversation with the cashier. To look at her, you'd assume she was just another young woman with few career aspirations, who would probably spend her life as a cashier. But you'd be wrong. She's been studying to be a nurse. She's thinking of specialising in paediatric nursing, but she hasn't quite decided yet. It's hard, because she works very long hours at the shop, but she's determined to finish her studies. She also loves singing and playing the piano. When her father asked her whether she wanted to pursue nursing or a music career, she said, "You know what, dad? I want it all."
I totally agree with you, sister.
Take some time to listen to someone's story today. It might just inspire you.
*Probably a uniquely South African occurrence, car guards situate themselves outside busy shopping malls and along the side of the road and 'guard' your car while you shop. If they're lucky, they earn a few pennies from parkers.
What a sad story, that poor woman!
Posted by: Jenty | July 23, 2008 at 10:19 PM
Wonderful post! Kudos!
Posted by: The Independent Mom! | July 23, 2008 at 10:23 PM
Wow! What an amazing post. I, like you, also tend to "tar people with the same brush". How unfair of me. You have really opened my eyes here.
That poor, poor lady. I hope she is okay.
Posted by: Bianca W | July 24, 2008 at 10:12 AM
We used to live in South Africa so I know how you & most of us tend to feel about the car guards.
I used to do my shopping at the same Spar every day popping in for bread & milk etc. It was after
doing this for a couple of weeks that one of the guards started chatting to me. At first I was also sceptical,you know, polite but only answering questions & then leaving. But the guard persisted & was always friendly
& helpful. Turns out he was not just a lazy, drunk looking for a couple of cents to spend at the nearest bottle store...
To make a long story short we become quite friendly, he lived close by, his daughter went to the local primary school. He's wife was a stay-at-home mom. He had also lost his job (well paying & respectable)but doing this job meant no tax which is how they could afford to live in a decent area & ensure that their daughter could go to a good school.
And the way he went about doing his job was amazing, he was always happy & friendly, figured out whowere related to me (my whole family lived & shopped in the area) & treated us all the same way.
I hope that one day he might find a better job but he really impressed by with the way he went about doing he's job.
Posted by: Jo | July 24, 2008 at 03:42 PM
Testing to see if I can blerry comment...
Posted by: Bee | July 25, 2008 at 09:44 AM
hhmmm... i get a lot of exercise jumping to conclusions- and i try and concentrate on not doing so.
at least you try and get the rest of the story- i am one of those people who doesn't like sommer speaking to strangers in queues and such!
Posted by: angel | July 27, 2008 at 12:07 AM
This post is short, honest and wise. What a great reminder to someone like me who is so quick to hide from and judge other women. Thanks.
Posted by: Laura | August 16, 2008 at 04:45 AM